Which reminds me of a story:
I’m jogging down the sidewalk (or maybe it is up the sidewalk--I’m not really sure how that is determined) and at the last second I notice a large, fat, very crunchable black beetle in my path, which I deftly side-step. It is laying, squirming really, on its back, and its crawly and hairy little legs are scrabbling madly at the air in an apparent attempt to right itself. Karma. This word unexpectedly hits my brain as I am landing on the other side of this unpleasant little coleoptera. I suppose because I only woke up two hours previously and I’m still not thinking clearly, I stop mid-stride, turn around, and ever so gently nudge the small, shuddersome beast upright with the toe of my sneaker. Stuck somewhere between smiling and cringing, I watch as it takes its first step of freedom...and promptly flips back over onto its creepy back again, spiny legs and claws cycling hysterically in the air once more. But is it truly frenzied and terror-stricken, or are there darker motivations behind its torturous twitching? As I turn and jog away, my hopes for beetle-borne blessings fading away like a wisp of Raid on a morning breeze, I wonder if in reality the little bugger is writhing with laughter, having so easily snatched propitious providence from this giant, pale biped.
Think of all the insects in this world that we deliberately or *accidentally* fold, bend, spindle, and/or mutilate. Whether or not those bugs are willing participants is irrelevant-- that is a heck of a lot of bad karma, and it explains A LOT:
Toasters that toast only on one side (all toasters).
Clogged drains.
Ring around the collar.
Political rants on Facebook.
Brussel sprouts.
Apps that close out with no warning.
Rap music.
Grumpy people.
Plastic wrap that sticks only to itself.
Weeds.
Frozen, muddy, salty, icy, sludge in April--or really any month.
Tootsie Rolls.
Cable network news anchors.
Little pieces of popcorn kernel that get stuck between your molars.
Socks that disappear in the laundry.
The Islamic State.
Yellow-gray pit stains.
Brain freeze.
Violently aggressive small dogs with bulging eyes.
Fourth grade report cards.
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(Was that really the end? Or did you miss something? Maybe your teacher was right.)
