1. GM FACES CONGRESS ON RECALL DELAYS
The company's new CEO admits she doesn't know why it took years for the automaker to fix a faulty ignition switch linked to 13 deaths. She is also trying to figure out how she got suckered into this job in the first place.
2. PALESTINIANS RESTART BID FOR UN RECOGNITION
The surprise decision signals a new crisis in the troubled efforts to bring peace to the Middle East. Whether this news is actually New News, or whether this headline has secretly been recycled dozens of times over the past several decades, is currently under investigation.
3. TIGER UNDERGOES BACK SURGERY
The world's most-recognized golfer will miss The Masters, but will the Masters miss him?
4. US WEIGHS RISK OF FREEING JONATHAN POLLARD
Releasing the convicted spy could spur talks between Israel and the Palestinians — or prove a costly embarrassment to the White House. And between the recent round of technical glitches on the government’s healthcare website and the President’s Power Rangers PJs, they just don’t need any more embarrassing moments
5. CONGRESS OKs $1B FOR UKRAINE
The loan guarantees are part of a bill giving lawmakers a way to denounce Russia for its military incursion and express support for Kiev, since they learned that neither sticking out their collective tongues nor blowing raspberries were as nearly effective as they had originally hoped. Give money--good ploy.
6. 'GOOD NIGHT, MALAYSIAN THREE-SEVEN-ZERO'
Malaysia now says the last words from the cockpit of the lost plane were not, "All right, good night," raising further questions about the government's credibility, rationality, soundness, stability, sanity, grasp of reality, dosage of medications, etc.
7. WHY CANDIDATES REMAIN LEERY OF 'OBAMACARE'
Because. Period.
8. HOW APPLE SAYS SAMSUNG REACTED TO THE IPHONE
The South Korean company didn't have a product that could compete — so it stole the iPhone technology, Apple alleges in a patent infringement trial. Apple has furthermore accused Samsung of stealing its spot-locked window seat and of breathing on them.
10. WHICH YOUNG AMERICANS ARE STILL AT A CLEAR DISADVANTAGE
In every region of the country, white and Asian children are far better-positioned for success in mathematics, expecially counting and spelling, than black, Latino, American Indian, Polynesian, Canadian, redneck, Liberal Elite, white, or Asian children of any gender, culture, religion, nationality, income, height, mass, or age.
_______________________________________________________
As usual, we invite your comments, as long as the conversation remains respectful, and no one brings up Tootsie Rolls again.
I hate to point this out to you, but #10 makes no sense at all. ;)
ReplyDeleteThat's because I am an educationally disadvantaged white middle-aged female anglo-saxon not-exactly-Protestant youth. Don't disrespect me; I am a victim of something. On a separate note, did you notice my great counting skills in this article? I was worried it might be too subtle.
ReplyDelete