Every single day, hundreds of my friends ask me, “Barbara, with all the beautifully gripping, lusciously gritty, and downright electronic TV shows out there, why on earth do you never, EVER watch TV, with the occasional exception of Sesame Street, NBC nightly news, Cardinals baseball games, Sponge Bob Square Pants, Sherlock, Downton Abbey, Storage Wars, and Monster High?” Okay, I’m exaggerating for the sake of effect again--I only have two friends, and Comet doesn’t actually know that much English. Usually, I just quickly and uncomfortably change the subject because I don’t want my friends to feel bad about themselves when they realize that I am far too cerebral, cultured, and au courant for them (said the woman who recently blogged about the toilet tech fair). But the reality is that with all the happily diverting articles in the newspaper keeping me engrossed for half hours on end, who needs TV? And people wonder what I do all day now that I no longer homeschool….
Take the recent article about the secessionist movement in rural northern California to create the 51st state of the United States, the esteemed and beloved state of Bush. Just kidding! But wouldn’t that make a completely awesome name for a state? Instead they want to name it Jefferson. boring. Even some of the completely forgettable presidents, whose names I had to look up because I couldn’t remember them, of this great nation have names with more far interesting imagery associated with them, such as Garfield (fat orange cat), Pierce (loud, funny doctor on MASH), Johnson (No More Tears, No More Tangles), and Cleveland (that hopping place in...um...Dakota Something). Or throw in a few vice-presidents and you get such fan favorites as Agnew, Quayle, and Cheney. Who needs imagery? (As a side note: I love some of their first names even more. How about Elbridge, Spiro, or--everyone’s favorite--Hannibal?)
But coming up with a name for this new state is inconsequential, insignificant, and irrelevant compared with other truly weighty matters to be considered in pondering secession from their current state, for example, designing The Great Seal of the State of Jefferson. You may ask, and rightly so, “Barbara, what exactly is a state seal? It sounds very official and important, and I hunger for enlightenment.” From the website, www.greatseal.com: “A seal is a pictorial sign that signifies and identifies an individual or group….
“Seals have been used since the dawn of civilization.... For the past 6,000 years, cultures old and new have used seals to indicate ownership, for security reasons, and to formalize contracts and agreements.”
When one looks through the seals of the various states of the United States of America, one discovers a beautiful world of symbolism and imagery, designed to convey to the observer an inspiring and uplifting sense of the history, the culture, or perhaps the wondrous and unique landscape of an incomparable and peerless territory: a gloriously rising sun, majestic animals, verdant greenery, peaceful bodies of water, stately mountains, seraphic and supernal beings, and bounteous cornucopias lavishly flowing with vibrantly hued harvests. It is positively breath-taking--or at least that last sentence is when read aloud. Now that you are in a sufficiently enraptured state of anticipation, prepare your heart and your soul to behold the Seal of the Great State of Jefferson:
I am fairly confident they didn’t even spring for an upgraded font. But I fear I have done the respected and beloved future state of Jefferson an unforgivable disservice in not displaying adequate reverence for the rich symbolism of this venerable insignia. Therefore, it is with the most sincere contrition which I can possibly fake that I now exhibit a more worthy display of the seal, one which ensures true thoughtful and solemn discovery of the deeper, richer symbolism:
I know if I were to choose a pictorial sign to signify or identify myself or my group, this would absolutely be in my top 13 or 14. In fact, I’m going to order a commemorative t-shirt right now...or at least once this next episode of Duck Dynasty is over.
No comments:
Post a Comment