Vocationally Malodorous

It has recently come to my attention that some people are just not very good at their jobs. And I don't just mean the obvious, like politicians and high school gym teachers. Neither do I mean those well-intended folks who are just plain weird, like the vet who told me my dog's meds tasted like battery acid; nor those who take their jobs way too seriously, like the lady at the school uniform store who not only asked me for my driver's license, but who also, upon my attempted credit card purchase of one (1) Central Florida Leadership Academy polo shirt, double checked the signatures on both the card and the license, then held the driver's license up toward me and peered suspiciously from my photo to my actual person and back a couple of times before finally deciding I was legit. Girlfriend, if I am going to steal somebody’s credit card and have a little fun widdit, you can bet your boots I am not about to waste that opportunity on the purchase of one lowly CFLA polo shirt. I'd be stocking up on ALL KINDS of private- and charter-school apparel and accessories, and maybe even sneak in a medical garb shopping spree, starting with those awesome fake long sleeves you can slide on under your short-sleeved top, “for the two-shirt look without the two-shirt heat”!

No, I’m talking about people who just don’t do their job well, by anyone’s definition. Dental hygienists who gouge your gums; hairdressers who leave one side longer than the other (yes, I am aware that this only applies to me); the people who write the Capital One Credit card commercials; Golden Retrievers who forget to bring the ball back; boy bands; and most distressing of all, editors or proofreaders who miss glaring or gramtical spelling errors. And what about the armies of customer disservice departments who leave you on hold while entire ice ages come and go, or worse still transfer you a dozen times and then accidentally disconnect you?  (Actually that's one is probably a blessing in disguise, so ignore it.)

A classic case of bad jobsmanship was when Emma had to get four molars pulled. Her dentist actually worked up a serious sweat trying to wrench them out, while she was wide awake, mind you, although numb from the novocaine. I can still see him there, lips curled back over his clenched teeth, violently yanking that frightening dental tool back and forth, with his foot rammed against the dental chair for leverage. They probably should have blindfolded her. And her mother as well.

What do we, as a community of concerned citizens, do to prevent future bad business practices? Suggestion number one is that we legislate for higher taxes in order to help keep these individuals unemployed for as long as possible. Suggestion number two is that perhaps they can be retrained, and then we help them find jobs dancing and waving business signs for all-you-can-eat buffets and cell phone companies.

Supporting an increased welfare system is starting to look pretty good, isn’t it?  

Let’s keep this dialogue going! Share a favorite experience, or a share a charitable and family-friendly suggestion to save the world from the incapable, the ineffective, and the inept. Or to save time, just send your tax-free donations to the Barbara Hehl Help Keep the Incompetent Unemployed fund. (Those pseudo sleeves at the uniform store came in a wide variety of eye-catching earth tones.)